Tuesday, January 25, 2005
I had a dream that someone was waiting for me...
It was kind of odd. After a few years, it resurfaced. It was weird coz I haven't been thinking of him these days. Too much work supposed to be, to do any of my usual daydreaming activities. I thought I've already passed that stage, so... the question goes, what was he was doing there?
In the dream, I was at some kind of meeting or gathering, and there, waiting outside, was the man in working attire, like always, handsome and respectable. My friends were teasing me, saying it was sweet of him. And I thought to myself, nobody told him to do such a thing. And I felt something... like I'd agreed. But I shrugged it off coz I wanted to play with him... play with his time... And so the practice went on 'til morning... pushed time to its limit... and pushed him to the edge of his reason. But oddly, despite all that... he was there. And he was still waiting.
At early dawn I decided to go, realizing there were only 3 of us left inside, and that... I was quite tired myself from playing this game. When we got out... lo and behold... the guy was asleep. The two went ahead, I said I'd approached my guardian angel. He had a travel brochure laying gently on his face, his arms crossed, and back leaning to the wall. He looked so peaceful. I felt guilty having him wait. It's amazing how powerful dreams are, could very much display their intended sentiments, no matter how simulated things are. At that time, I felt so sad and frustrated... At first I didn't know why... Then I realized it's because I wanted to wake him up but couldn't... tell him that what he was waiting for... what he was watching over for hours... was already there, beside him, waiting... ready to leave. Things turned upside down from that moment. From the guarded and watched over, I became the watcher. I became the one waiting. I didn't understand why but in that dream, I was forbidden to do as such. Wanted so badly to shake him, tell him he could go home... we... could go home. But the dream said I couldn't and I found myself desperately asking why...
I fought back, determined... As I was reaching out to touch his face, wishing in my heart that he'd wake up, a friend, who I thought left already, appeared behind me and tugged at my sleeve, told me the car was waiting. I looked outside and true enough, it was there, ready to leave. I withdrew my hand and stepped back, watched him, my emotions turning sullen once more. I wanted so much to cry, angry because I was forbidden to do something I've felt I needed to do ever since this arose as a personal matter for me, ever since he became an object of admiration and respect. Then at the last moment, I uttered an 'I'm sorry', left, and watched him 'til he became smaller and smaller, and the picture became darker and darker in my mind... And then I woke up.
...Yet sadly, to interpret what they all mean, dreams usually speak for themselves in all their rawness and audacity...
- . . .
by Schulerin 8:57 PM
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