Sunday, June 13, 2004

[ a N g S t ]

i've been feeling so awful lately... don't know why... been studying... but been flunking... stupid subject... stupid teacher... not even if he can speak fluent mandarin, so what?... i'm off that subject already... stupid chauvinistic ideas and heterosexism exams... how do you even identify if the statement is heterosexist or not?!... i flunked it... i flunked it probably because i'm homophobic... anything considered to be 'heterosexist' are normal under my treatment... stupidest subject i've ever been in!... the opposition wins... i so am a LOSER in this one... i SUCK big time!...

the devil's been wandering around and about... how'd you ward off evil spirits?... dammit i shouldn't even have given him my number... what was i thinking!?... stupid me!... me and my recklessness... my negligence... imprudence... or maybe i'm the evil spirit... he IS just willing to help... or is he?... i'm sure he is... if ever i had any doubts it's because i was probably leading him on... me and my wasted and useless approach and image... me and my issues... he really thought it was serious... thought i was a rebel, haha!... i'm so mean... but i can't help it... m just not in the mood lately... not for academics, not for family, not for myself, not even for God... Oh God, help me! what's happening to me lately?... am i not too old for such teenage angsts? is it not too late for that to be setting in just now? shouldn't i have passed that stage already??... i'm sliding... farther and farther away... farther and farther... gotta play, gotta go, back to my mother's womb... back to when i was air... back to when i was not conceived yet... back to when God was deciding whether i was one of the four who'd be losing opportunity to be born should let live or not...

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by Schulerin 11:29 PM

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