Monday, July 07, 2003

my world today is shaking like hell. it's sad. it's lonely. it's abandonment. no one would understand me and yeah, it does hurt to know. again another drama with which i am faced with --- and i cowardly react to

maybe it is better that i am alone --- born in a world where no one else exists but me --- that way i know the world is for me --- that way i live my life as i would have it lived --- without hindrances and false pretenses --- without none other else to have me be alone --- no one has to leave me for no one else exists except me --- and that i die as i would die --- without fear and regret --- for there were no standards with which to judge and measure the life i lived --- only God's --- that i clearly know my purpose for existing --- for i am alone --- the only one with me is God's booming voice --- audible --- loud and clear

maybe it is better if each of us has this one world --- one has his or her own world to live in and deal with in his or her lifetime --- it is great relief to let go of a hold of the reality we knew in the past, we are experiencing in the present, as well as that which we would be encountering in the future for not once had reality changed for the better--- not once had it taken its prisoners into consideration --- and their welfare --- what they want--- what we want --- it is wonderful to be free --- to let your consciousness stray and the mind wander off to somewhere sort-of a happy place for you --- it is good to once again retrieve innocence and ignorance side-by-side and experience them with utter pleasure for our souls --- it is imperative to seek a haven in this steadily rotting world

my soul is giving up --- crying out --- confused as to what the Most High would want to do with it ---

scrap--- its all scrap--- and i cowardly live it out in a steadily rotting world ---

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by Schulerin 7:44 PM

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